I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
