Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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