this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
