He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
