Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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