Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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