you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Holy shit dude........stairs
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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