Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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