good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
