I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
