My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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