u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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