I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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