How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
