Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
as a side note pls kill me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
