she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
