I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
