yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
