We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
