I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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