I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
