Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
