I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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