hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
