Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
