Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
