I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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