Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
