I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
