Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
