i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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