So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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