Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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