This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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