take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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