I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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