(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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