ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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