I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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