is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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