I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
