I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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