um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
