We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You are a booty call, not a friend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
