You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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