so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
