Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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