Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
