you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I understand Curling. That high.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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