I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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