my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
