Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I still have a little drunk in my system
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
