drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
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When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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