happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
