I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
