What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She said her name was "party"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
