yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
