Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
