walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
