I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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