Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
