i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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