Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
