the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
