you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
